In honor of the MySQL Prague Dev Conf 2005 where a couple of MySQLers sang the theme song of Red Dwarf TV programme. In time honored fashion, inspired by the well-designed plans depicted in the classic programme, we endeavor to botch together some new code, which should hopefully work surprisingly well, dispite being held together with paint, chewing gum and a carelessly disposed in-flight magazine featuring "Salt: An Epicurist Delight" and "Wines of Estonia".

Crash positions please...